Following Christ: A Brief Story of My Conversion
The reasons behind my decision to belief in God is not a sudden one. Nothing dramatic has happened, nor anything that is even close to what people would call a miracle. To me it is a long and gradual process.
I do not know when this process began. I was not born in a Christian family; in fact, as with most typical Chinese family, my grandparents are inclined towards Buddhism (I said “inclined” because strictly they are not Buddhist; they are merely following the “form” of Buddhism and idol worshipping that is the norm of Chinese society). Nonetheless, whether by faith or by fortune, I was expose to Christianity at a young age: may be as early as primary school in Hong Kong since the school I went to is a Christian church school.
Anyway, all I know for sure is that I only deliberately set out to research, investigate, and think about this God towards the end of 1996, shortly after I started going to the Evangelical Free Church (EFC).
So what is it that finally makes me commit myself to belief in God?
As I have noted elsewhere, the “reasons” per se are not adequate to explain my decision to belief in God. It is the process and journey that I went through that is important.
During this journey I have came to realize, and then appreciate, how God is working in my life. To me my life and all the small (and by itself insignificant) things that have happen during this “journey” add to suggest that there is a God. I attempt to outline this journey, process, self-realization as follows:
1. What God has given me? I have a reasonably happy family. Sure, there are negative aspects to my family, but those are minor blemishes in the whole scheme of things. My family is sufficiently well-off that all my needs and most of my wants are more than adequately catered for. I manage to have a good education, and then secured a reasonably good job, one that I like very much myself and one that give me pleasure. I was given an “extended family” (in the form of Brothers and Sister in Christ) at a time that I most needed one. This list can go on.
2. What God has done for me? This obviously ties closely in with the above. By this point I am referring more to the “silent guidance or intervention” of God in my life. There are two aspects to this. First, in retrospect, I felt that there were, and still are, “forces” at work stopping me from doing things- seriously “wrong” things- that I will regret for the rest of my life if I have ever done them. The second aspect is my unintended attendance at the EFC Church service, fellowship, bible studies, as well as the occurrence of a series of events two years or so prior to me committing myself to God that function to “push” me towards God. It is a really amazing experience in retrospect.
3. My desire to change. Prior and during these times, I have known that my life is not in a very good order. I was not happy, never contended with what I have already, jealous of others about everything and anything, felt non-accepted by my peers, etc. Indeed, apart from being academically capable, everything else seems to be a mess. I seek, therefore, to change. I failed. I finally realized that I cannot do this myself.
4. How else can I explain these? I am referring to my experience in point (2) above. Can I explain what has happen by “coincidence” alone. No. If what has happened is a coincidence, then I think the law of probability would need to change. It just doesn’t make sense without God in the equation.
5. Do I deserve it? By this stage I have gained some elementary understanding of the Bible. As a fundamentally sinful person, the answer is “NO”. Why should someone, anyone, let alone an all-powerful, omnipotent and omnipresence being care about a bad bad person like me. This makes it all the more remarkable and amazing that God has done what he has done.